Junior Junior Junior, have been increasingly miserable for a year now.
Overwhelming self hate because of and causing subpar productivity and work product. Frequent anger and anxiety spirals, becoming violent when alone in the bathroom. Sharing office with a senior member of the team creates immense pressure of being watched and panic (senior sideeye monitoring my opened files on the monitor and give instructions or comments). Brain fog and black out not remembering the tasks done or existence emails or checklist item status. Mental break downs and cries happen more than once or twice. Crying once in the subway reading the goddamn emails, weekends crying in front of home workstation in front the damn screen and emails. Three times just faint, nauseous, have trouble standing or walking then nonstop vomiting for one or two hours. Been told “you are so volatile” by a colleague. I mean no one should work with someone unstable like me.
I think I should just leave this behind and go back to the emotionally stable and happy healthy self, and figure something out later. Seriously. I have always been largely an easygoing person, and not dramatic at all. I don’t know who this cry baby is.