I worked a 9-5 before law school and thrived. I had set tasks to do in set time frames every day, did them well, all great. In school I was always the type to fuck around, go out a lot, etc and then just cram/spin out an essay in a night or two, and I always did well so it was fine.
I’m a second year in biglaw general lit now, though, and I have been STRUGGLING. I am terrible at getting things done on these broad time horizons (frequently w/ no deadline given at all!). I just can’t get myself to sit and focus w/o outside pressure. I end up procrastinating (but not doing anything fun or useful, just staring at my laptop) for several hours, anxiety mounting, then doing stuff in a panic at 3 am.
I haven’t screwed anyone else at work, I have a few partners who definitely like me/my work, and my end of the year review was actually pretty positive, but I feel like I am ruining my own life. I average like 4 hrs of sleep a night and have no hobbies or anything because I spend so much time being anxiously avoidant. It’s insane and I feel like I should just be able to snap myself out of it, but it’s not working. I’ve seen a psych and I take stimulants now, but they barely help. Therapy was worse than useless.
Has anyone else had this issue and actually solved it, or do I just need to get out of biglaw to a job that’s more actively managed?