Finishing up my first year at a lower Amlaw 100 firm. It's a common sentiment that we're more humane and have nicer people than cravath scale firms. I believe it, but I'm still burning out and I feel so incredibly lost and defeated because of it. I feel awful for flaming out this soon and this badly at the "lifestyle" firm. I'm billing a perfectly mediocre amount with an occasional horrible week or two of 3am/4am nights leading up to a close, and yet I'm still losing sleep even in non-closing weeks, crying all the time, making mistakes of increasing magnitude, feeling like I'm losing myself. I'm really trying, but people are becoming increasingly short and frustrated with me, understandably. We're a small group so there's no hiding anything or anywhere. The constant nervous system overload probably contributes to my work product suffering even more which just perpetuates the feedback loop. I feel physically sick with anxiety almost constantly, I woke up drenched in sweat after 2.5 hours of sleep this morning. I want to stay in biglaw and maybe try a change of scenery but if this is the chill firm then I genuinely have nowhere else to go and no backup plan. Fml, just venting I guess.