For context, I am a POC and first joined my law firm after my 1L year as a diversity summer associate. I’m now a full time associate. I’ve often felt uncomfortable in social settings at my law firm when I talk to partners. I would say something and it’s often taken weirdly. For example, I once mentioned to a partner that my sister is at Yale (because he asked what she is doing). He immediately responded with, “are families from your culture very demanding on their children?” He seems to be implying that we both got to where we are because of super pushy parents who pressured us to study hard. That’s not true for us — my parents never really pushed us to study. But they both have advanced degrees and they studied and worked hard (and enjoyed doing so), so I guess we did, too. Nonetheless, even if it was the case that my sister and I are where we are because our parents were pushy — I don’t think how he asked that question was okay. There were so many other such instances where something I said was met with “is it because you are from this culture”? Or “are people from your home country like this?” Or “my in-laws are from your home country and they can’t speak any English even after living in the states for 15 years” (the speaker assumed I cannot communicate with my own parents… they do speak English and I can speak my mother tongue).
I’ve been reflecting and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is because they assume being a POC means I grew up in difficult circumstances and that there is just one version of the “immigrant family life” — which they assume means strained family relationships with parents struggling economically and unable to connect with their children. I personally don’t assume anything about a POC (or any person for that matter) when I first meet them. (For all I know, a POC’s family might be loaded and their parents be award-winning singers… or have a billionaire grandpa in Hong Kong).
I wish my law firm could recognize that “diversity” doesn’t mean everyone who are people of color are the same. We should recognize diversity in background, thought, lifestyle, etc. among people of color too.
Anyways I’m just venting late at night. Hope there are others out there who understand what I’m saying.