I don’t mind longer hours, I love intellectually interesting things, like most of my coworkers. Thrive in the autonomy of managing your own time/not having to clock in and clock out somewhere on a fixed schedule. When I’m good I’m great - work product is praised, I’ve been commended for my relationship skills with clients, am active in firm culture.
But, I have ADHD. And I know plenty of people do, especially in biglaw, and some do great and power through it. But it’s a spectrum and at the end of the day it is a disability. Not a single day goes by that I don’t feel actively hindered by it and, on the bad days, defeated by it. I cannot work without urgency, I’m up late doing things I procrastinated on, I become depressed/burnt out pretty easily, I go stretches not coming into the office as regularly because I feel unable to get up from bed. And because of that, I’m inconsistent. And I know that inconsistency will inevitably push me out.
I know there are plenty of rewarding paths ahead, that it’s ok to not be partner material. But a part of me really grieves for the life I could’ve had if not for being neurodivergent. To be smart enough to get here and be so close to financial freedom for myself and my family and just not be able to cross the finish line. It’s sad too because with even just small accommodations/awareness I could probably have a chance, but we’re just not there yet culturally.
I just wish it was talked about more, that while some neurodivergent people thrive and succeed here, many of us do not.