Managing partner (V69, NYC) here dealing with a delicate personnel issue.
One of our midlevel associates has apparently developed a “focus system” involving two personal fondue pots at their desk. From what I’ve gathered, every fifteen minutes of work earns them one cube of bread dipped in either melted cheese, melted chocolate, or—on particularly productive stretches—both.
At first, I assumed this was a joke. It was not.
Last week, I walked past their office and was hit in the face by the unmistakable scent of warm Gruyère. I asked how long they had been operating this… setup.
“About a month,” they said.
I immediately knew I had to put a stop to it. I checked the attorney handbook, but there was no policy explicitly prohibiting desk-based fondue. Looking for another angle, I reviewed the associate’s hours, thinking perhaps they were behind minimums and I could handle it that way.
What I found stopped me cold.
The associate was annualizing 3,500 billable hours.
They had billed 450 hours in the last month alone since the fondue began.
I was astonished. Was it the fondue, or was this associate simply overcompensating for the shame of being known as “the fondue person”? I had to know.
I sent my assistant to Bed Bath & Beyond for two fondue sets and had them installed in the office of our lowest-performing associate. I told him he would receive one cube of bread dipped in cheese for every fifteen minutes billed.
The result: 40 billable hours in two days.
Now I’m at a crossroads. I’m considering installing fondue sets in every associate office. I consulted the original fondue associate, who believes we may be able to replace the traditional bonus structure entirely with firm-supplied bread, cheese, and chocolate. Our COO ran the numbers and believes this could triple PEP.
On the other hand, partners keep complaining about the smell, and building management has raised concerns about the potential fire hazard from nearly 400 open heating elements.
Any advice? Maximize PEP through fondue, or ban it entirely?