It's seeing other people manage the job and feeling not good enough. I have never hit bonus and never will. If I bill 40 hours a week, I feel completely empty and the rest of my life becomes recovering from work.
I know I won't make partner and I'm fine cashing paychecks until I get shown the door, but I wish the slow failure didn't feel so hard. My hours look like I'm quiet quitting but I'm still exhausted and working extra hours to justify a decent vacation feels unattainable.
PS I do manage my ADHD, including outsourcing daily toil, medication, exercise, consistent schedule, etc.