I want to preface this by saying that I know I am very privileged and lucky to be in the position I am today. And I feel like the distress I’m feeling is something that a lot of associates in biglaw feel, especially when they’re more interested in creative fields.
I’ve been in big law for 4 years now (in M&A). First two years of my career, I loved it. Felt super challenged and lucky that I loved my job. I’d catch up with friends and hear them complain about their jobs and feel sad for them and simultaneously grateful that I enjoyed my job and the people I work with.
Welp… guess I spoke too soon. Cut to 4 years later, I’m exhausted. Demotivated. Frustrated with all this AI crap. Not feeling challenged. Genuinely dreading work, which is a new thing for me.
I really wanna quit and I always had an affinity to more creative spaces (even though this feels pretty cliché and I feel like most people that went into law, to an extent, wanted to do something more creative). So yeah… I wanna quit. But…money lol. But also I feel like I’ve reached the point where I’m willing to try to save up as much as possible just so I can quit. But also also I have no idea if I’m thinking this through. But also also also maybe I’ve been sheltered and have been lucky enough to have this job immediately after law school and I don’t really know what’s out there and I’m gonna be shocked by the real world lol.
As for what I wanna do if I quit. Well…I want to do a MA then PhD in literature. There’s a scholarship program that I know I’m very eligible for so I know that monetary wise I’m covered to a certain degree.
But then what do I even do after that? I have no idea. I just know that this is becoming more unbearable with each passing day (obviously I’m super grateful to be in the position I’m in). Should I wait until partnership? I have a partner that I know likes me, has groomed me since I startled out in the firm, and is gonna fight for me but partnership is never really a guarantee so what if I wait until partnership, then it doesn’t happen?
I don’t know guys. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice.